36 Rules to Life

This was sent to me today in an email. Which one do you like best?

Today… I like number 8.

 

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in
a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried
before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice
person.

9. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so
good.

13. Eat well; stay fit; die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has
not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would
be ‘meetings.’

27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background is that deep
down inside we ALL believe we are above average drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway.

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5 responses to “36 Rules to Life

  1. this is so true! I like 23, its a ever present challenge, ha ha…

  2. On a similar note, I like 25 hehehe

  3. Very true and very funny. I’m torn between 13 and 34. xoxo

  4. No. 6, followed very closely by 34 also!

  5. Obviously all girl answers above. I like number 4.

    I’ve always remembered 34. Came in handy a few times when it looked like someone was about to drop – only to realise they are ‘retaining water’ or simply obese and wearing unflattering clothes.

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