Congratulations to Rachel and Alan. Today they got their Australian Citizenship.
Andrew rickons if Rach can jist lose that eccent shill be gud and ossi.
really, congratulations. A special day for them both.
Found this on a website – jokesy.com
I dind’t write it, but thought it was good. Do not read on if you are easily offended.
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term “died in the arse”?
2. What is a bloody little beauty?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage:
“In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.”
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
a) “If the van’s rockin’ don’t bother …….
b) You’re going home in the back of a ………
c) Fair crack of the………..
7. I’ve had a gutful and I can’t be fagged. Discuss
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard “up on blocks”? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else’s beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people’s meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter “b” is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to “prang a car” while doing “circle work”?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin “Bloody” Wilson, John “True Blue” Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
22. What does sinkin piss at a mate’s joint and gettin paralised mean?
You may copy your mate’s answers, please submit this back to me when you have had a fair old crack.
The pass rate is 45%
Oh… found another one
|Funny Australian Citizen Test
So you’ve been in Australia for a while now and your considering Australian Citizenship. Click on ‘read more’ below to see how Aussie you really have become
1.How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?
2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?
3. How many beers in a slab?
4. Does “yeah-nah” mean
a) “Yes and no” b) “Maybe” c) “Yes I understand but No I don’t agree”?
5. Name three of the Daddo brothers.
6. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?
7. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?
8. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?
9. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?
10. Who are Scott and Charlene?
11. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?
12. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?
13. Thongs are:
a) Skimpy underwear b) Casual footwear c) They’re called jandals, bro?
14. On which Ashes tour did Warney’s hair look the best?
a) 1993 b) 1997 c) 2001 d) 2005
15. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?
16. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel’s Khe Sanh?
17. Explain both the “follow-on” and “LBW” rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter….
18. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.
19. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
a) Ricky Ponting b) Don Bradman c) John Howard d) Makybe Diva?
20. Is it best to take a sick day on:
a) When the cricket’s on b) When the cricket’s on c) When the cricket’s on?
21. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?
22. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?
23. What are Budgie smugglers?
24. What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?
25. Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?
26. A “Hoppoate” is:
a) A breed of kangaroo b) A kind of Australian “wedgie” c) A disgraced Rugby League player?
27. What does having a ‘chunder’ mean?
28. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?
29. What does the terminology ‘True Blue’ mean?