Seems I haven’t been sharing much of our personal lives of late. I have been thinking about it for a while and felt it easier to post new papers, cool products and exciting new arrivals for the shop. After a call from my brother who is far away in China working, I realise now how much he likes hearing about our day-to-day stuff. I guess now is time to get back into it. So I will – for Chris. xx
So why? What’s going on? At first it was just that I was too busy. Too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. We all suffer from that, but after my Nanna passed away I just felt like anything I posted was trivial. Personal life wasn’t that much fun to write about. Our “Family dinner” hasn’t happened in such a long time, everyone was just too busy or wrapped up in their own lives. I guess I was just plain sad for a while. But there was too much going on for everyone to let it take hold and as the old saying goes “life goes on”. So I did go on, I worked everyday that I could, family life continued, classes were run, a weekend away and I toiled in the garden every day if possible. Life goes on as usual. Or does it?
I miss my Nanna, but I have missed for for years already. It seemeed so absurd to be so sad, when really she has been ‘gone’ for so long. Watching her draw her last breath, staring with her wide unseeing eyes straight into my my own I am altered forever . I feel like a huge change has happened inside me that I cannot explain and I feel so different, yet no-one can see, invisible, hidden, masked. I cry easily, but hide it well. I am sensitive but can be strong for those around me. I am sad for my Mum, who has lost her Mother, that thought brings fresh new tears of it’s own. I am worried for my Pop, hoping he can rebuild a life without the love of his life to fill it. I miss my Dad & my brothers, and all their partners, some living so far away I can’t visit, some living close but too busy to visit. I wish I could be a better Mum, I have missed a few ‘events’ recently and my tolerance level isn’t as high as usual (and you need to have a HIGH tolerance level living in this house!)
The list goes on and on.
So, that’s me the past few weeks… but I had a plan!
What was my master plan? What was I to do about it?
Smile. And. Get. On. With. It.
Ok… that I can do. Of course we can deal with it. So, that’s exactly what we are doing. Back to normal, with a smile. And it’s working a treat. There is so much goodness in my life. I have every reason to smile. I will even be taking some days off soon and taking my family for some fun.
I might be changed, but I am still me and I have so many things to be grateful for I will not even begin to tell you!
Oh ok, maybe I’ll tell you just one thing that I am thankful for…
Hugs from Josh. That certainly is something to be grateful for. Now, this is a kid who doesn’t give out hugs, or high fives, his arms don’t work that way, but if you line him up he can give a low five and if you sqaush him just right, he will squeeze you in a hug. Oh… the bliss of his hugs. He squeals with laughter (or is that lack of air?) and loves kisses from his Ma and as long as he can see his TV over my shoulder I can stay there. Would you look at those luscious long fingers on his tiny little hands? They might not work properly, but I have worked out how to get a hug from him. Work with what you have – right? Not worry about what you don’t have.
Ok.. one more photo that I am grateful for –
Playing Wii with my noisy crazy kids on a Sunday night. Man I love how they pose so willingly for me now. Love those kids!
Goodnight beautiful people. Be good to yourselves.